We Women Must Love Ourselves First, Then Others Will Love Us Back

04.29.2015 from Gmas iPhone 072

Women fall in love and expect to be loved unconditionally. We expect that someone will love us so much that we will love ourselves more because of it. But, what if we don’t. We either expect way too much or not expect anything at all. What if we get taken for granted and treated like we are less than worthy? Why do we count on others to divvy out our self worth? You are the only you that you have. Isn’t that special enough?

We do not grow up in a society that supports or believes women to be strong, determined, faithful and trustworthy. We see it on TV, we see it on shows, we see it on billboards and we see people preaching that women are strong. Are we? Not if we expect others to make us feel strong. This is what makes us women. Why? Because this is what we are taught. This is how we are raised. Unfortunately, television promotions is not our real world. Also, geographical locations differ from one location to another as to how women are treated or …here’s the word…ACCEPTED.

Some women are lucky in love but some who are not lucky in love; slowly find, that their relationship can break down as we are surrounded with men who break us down; even complete strangers. It can be through words, actions, sighs or even looks. Not so subtle for us women. We all know and we all have felt, seen, heard and have been victimized for it. We are women.

Eventually if we stay in an imbalanced relationship, all things wrong is your fault and we are slowly dehumanized. Eventually, we give up; unknowingly, to find ourselves slowly stripped of our own self worth. With little self worth left; we no longer have the strength and break down to any and all criticism as if we are deserve it. Why? Because we are women. We feel and we want and we need; openly. It is our inner and outer beauty.

Sadly, we can lose trust in all males and sometimes; it is carried through to our sons. These sons can pass on the same prejudice against women because his mother succumbed to the devaluation and surrendered her own self worth. Her son can regret or be angered that he was robbed of his Mom, the strong Mother that he needed. His “whole Mom”, that shows him right from wrong and shows him how to truly love a woman; which will ensure him a happy relationship and a true understanding of love.

Motherhood is so important as a woman and strength is vital in raising children to have self worth.

Little girls really need us as an example to be strong in order for them to learn to be strong themselves. We are the examples for our children. They learn through us. If we are not strong, then our children learn from the bottom rather than learn through us in order to become even stronger and better than we are…More able to take on the world. And why do we have to be strong? Why can’t we just be accepted. Well, that is the world today. The men who seemingly are, obviously don’t know how to make a woman happy. Some men are true pillars in this world of injustice and should not be treated as if they are simpletons. These men are our inspiration and our hope. Is it still a “man’s world”? Not really. Are men really happy when their ladies are unhappy? Someone sneered to me about those words: “make a woman happy”. He said: Why do I have to “make” a woman happy. Why can’t I just be “nice” to her? I laughed (accidentally) and said “because, you have to LOooooVE her.” I let that soak in then, I elaborated: “In all relationships, you have to take care of each other. You never have to worry about yourself if she’s got your back. She never has to worry if you’ve got her back. Isn’t it nice when someone always puts you first? It must go both ways. Otherwise, it’s like paddling with one oar…and who likes fishing alone?” Yeah, I left him with that last word to ponder.

Regrets happen and not every marriage can last but we can be happy when we love ourselves. We can change the world; starting with one person … ourselves. We are perfectly imperfect, just the way God made us to be. What a boring world it would be if we were all the same. Like all one color crayon, one style of clothing…and we all know that women would NOT like that. We are creative, we are colorful and we are beautiful … when we let ourselves be happy. We are who we are and nothing will ever change that. If we don’t like who we are, we can learn to love ourselves all over again. That, is how we change the world. That, is how we find our strength. If you are lucky enough to be surrounded by one man that can appreciate our strengths, then, that is all we need from our relationship because: we will always have ourselves to love and to rely on.

We can’t run from ourselves no matter how fast we run. We are a powerhouse that can be intimidating and yes, we are different. We are determined, strong and faithful. If that scares off men; then find a real man who loves all of you or enjoy; just being you. If we can change for anyone; we can change for ourselves to make ourselves happy. If you have to change who you are for a man; then who are you? A healthy relationship consists of two whole people; not two halves.
Be happy today and tell yourself that you can be sad tomorrow. When tomorrow comes, it will then be today…which means that we no longer have to be sad. Smile and watch people’s curiosity spark. Let them know that things are different, things are real and you are unique. You are you. Take it or leave it; you don’t need it unless you love it. My brother advised me that. ” there is love and there is lust. The two cannot go together and only love can stand alone. Patience is for the worthy.”
One day when I was down and feeling like a nobody, I looked into the mirror and told myself, “today, it is all about ME .” I talked to myself (and responded) while driving by myself. I told myself how pretty the fields were, the birds were and complained about the crazy drivers then; I zestfully agreed with myself. I took myself out to eat and even watched a movie all by myself. I wrote myself a note to read when I woke up, “I had a fabulous time today, let’s do this again.” I did that three weekends in a row and I really, I mean really liked myself. I got to remember who I was and how much fun I was.
After a couple of weekends, people noticed how happy I was and my confidence became such a huge magnet. Guys were coming up to me and telling me that I was, “amazing”, “I rocked”, and “I really knew where it was at.” The latter was my favorite and I will never forget his face. Men noticed me and I had my pick of men. It felt good and I enjoyed just being single. Why? Because, I didn’t need someone to make me feel special. I really felt like a celebrity but mostly with myself. We are all celebrities waiting to come out. We may not have paparazzi but we have ourselves, always: True selves that we can always count on.
So starting today: Say hello to yourself, talk to yourself (you can even respond to yourself in the mirror … don’t be shy), say good morning and good night to yourself in the mirror every day. You can even send yourself an e-card and joke about it to your friends. Maybe you could rub off on them. Do something for yourself today and smile because you have a pretty execeptional, trustworthy and rockin’ friend with you always: YOURSELF! Notice YOURSELF! Just think about it: If you had yourself for a friend; it would be pretty cool, huh?

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